Don't Change - INXS

Last night Karen read me a letter I wrote her in May of 1989. Want to know what the scariest part of it was? 20 years later and I sound the same! I was chattering about bands, life in AZ and our friends. It was insane how little I have changed yet some much transpired in between. My favorite line from it was: “I don’t mind rock radio playing alternative stuff.” OMG, hilarious! I was going on about KUPD playing The Cure. Hahaha!
What I also find interesting about this letter is that when my mom passed away, Dan insisted I changed. What I think may be more true is that I changed (conformed) when I got married and that the real Leah came back. Because I no longer had my mom, I reached back inside and found me. I went back to what I truly enjoyed from crafting to travelling to see bands. What a revelation! Dan had me convinced I changed. Of course, without my mom I was altered but I don’t believe I truly “changed” even though he had me believing I did. I rediscovered ME! In fact, I am a bit disappointed with myself if I compromised who I was for marriage. I have watched so many girlfriends do that for their husbands, I swore I never would but maybe I did. Our demise had more to do with finding our true selves. He did too and then he realized that our true-selves had completely different directions in which we were heading. I think that is why we were both so ok with our divorce. We both knew we only needed each other for that period of time. I sense that is why I am so at peace right now, I finally have returned to 1989 Leah… It explains my desire to move too. The very first thing I realized when I swallowed that the divorce was happening was that I didn’t have to stay in Arizona anymore. Complete peace will come when that job slips into my pocket along with my own place; And when I am entertaining friends again at my own place. That is me.

Randomness:

It dawned on me that I should do a search for diners in Washington! I bet there are some cool ones here!

One thing I don’t necessarily like still from 1989 is my constant need to have a crush. It is lame at 42 because you have too much sensibility to let it just be fun. But trust me, I always have a crush and most of the time, it is not a healthy one.

So remember how I was saying they have these bikini espresso places here in Washington. Well now I drove by a place that proclaimed- No Bikinis! See, I knew some women would object! They have ones labeled Bikini bottoms too- oh brother.. Plus they have city meetings to ban them. Hilarious.

I noticed that out in the country, the convenience stores have fryers so the food in the case is fresher than a place like 7-11 with hot dogs rolling. I am guessing this is because you have longer drives so you eat more “real” food from the gas station? On a drive to Port Angeles I stopped at the absolute nicest convenience store ever. I can’t even describe it but it was nicer than most AJ’s plus it was huge! It was on a reservation near a casino, not sure if that had anything to do with it.

I took the dogs to a “forest” today. It was part of Spanaway city parks. It was very nice but it was the first time I realized I should be more concerned with my safety. I saw an unsavory character heading into this forest then as it wound around a lot of woods, I realized I shouldn’t do everything by myself. I am awkward enough trying to walk three dogs. If someone would have robbed me I would be so easy with the clumsiness of the dogs. I will not be returning there. I need to stick to open dog parks with lots of people. Maybe I am too independent sometimes..

The Polaris Prize is only 2 nights away. I wonder if anyone else gets as excited for this as I do. Next year I will host a party for it! Hahahah! I need to listen to Jian on Monday! Wish he was hosting it again but he is not, Grant Lawrence is again.

I miss being social. This should not be a big surprise. My life was always so packed with activities. It is good to reflect but I need to just hang out with my pals-just laugh and have fun…Thank goodness for the phone. I have gotten some great laughs on the phone since in Washington-you know who you all are! ;)

You know who I have been listening to lately..The Posies.. Must be something about the location?? ;)

I heard the K-os take over show on Iceberg this week. I really like how much of a music fan he is. He is very humble to be around other musicians. He told stories of meeting Moe Berg from TPOH plus his appearance in the Death from Above video. I knew he would play Sloan because I knew he was a fan. He went on about how he thinks Chris Murphy is talented at everything he does. He also played "The Other Man" and hinted to it being about Feist but would not break musician code. Sorry, K-Os, most fans know Chris was the other man who stole her away from which ever BSS guy she was with at the time. The most entertaining story he told was about Sam Roberts. He said he was watching Live 8 and saw Sam sing a new song at the time "Brigde to nowhere" K-OS thought it was a song about him and was bummed out. Then he said he talked to both Peter Elkas (:HEARTBEATS:) and Murray Lightburn of The Dears. They both thought Sam wrote the song about them. As K-OS concluded- we were all so vain, we thought the song was about us. That was funny! Maybe other musicians confide their deep dark secrets to Sam Roberts. Who wouldn't? If it meant a longer chance to stare at that gorgeous man, well? He must have more bromance than Plaskett!

Karen swore I would love the new Mountain Dew Ultra Violet but nope. I had another self discovery! I do not like fruity flavors carbonated. They have to be like kool-aid. Carbonation for me needs to stay in the cola family. Who am I kidding, carbonation needs to stay in the Dr. Pepper family for me-period. Did you know I never drank carbonated drinks until my late 20's. Now there was a habit I should have kept! I had an ex-boyfriend who loved Dr. Pepper. I would sip his everyday and boom- I was hooked! Damn him! LOL!

Did I mention I am seeing Matthew Good in November? I suspect so for the next 2 months until the show!

Day Job - Gin Blossoms

Don’t quit your day job unless you have another one signed and sealed! Times are extremely tough; some jobs are getting hundreds of applicants. I have a file full of big rejection letters. Shame on me for being so confident my resume was enough to get myself another gig. I maintain that I have the talent and the skill to kill at any job hired for but I am a job search virgin. Seriously, I never had to do this before. How blessed I have been, I went from job to job by reputation without ever needing to search for one. My interview several weeks ago with UW was my first committee interview ever. I plug away but the internet applications do not substitute for face to face contact. My resume certainly may throw off some educational institutes. I did not have a conventional job so the adviser jobs I apply for are probably thrown out the window. The one job closest to my Cronk job needed a fricking Masters degree. I suspect one needs an insider to assist in getting any interview. I magically dream that someone in a hiring committee sees this resume, says “Look how interesting and different this gal is.” Doubtful considering the amount of calls I have gotten. (That total is 1)

Here is the truth…I am scared and I am running out of money. What I am not out of is optimism. I took a huge leap leaving Arizona. I refuse to believe I made a mistake doing so. I absolutely LOVE Western Washington. I want to be here and I believe somehow I will find a way to make this work. I have my moments of depression, who wouldn’t? I miss having my own home, my chance to be creative, heck I miss my shoes.. ;) I have worn the same set of clothing I packed for the drive to Alaska. But do not read this as a feel sorry for me blog. I am so grateful to have a place to stay with Mary. I never realized it as much as when I drove back from Bellingham. I felt like I had a ‘home’ to return to. Being in this atmosphere has helped heal me. I was a wreck when I left Phoenix…I was worse from the Alaska ordeal. The peace I have been seeking since Dan said he wanted a divorce is happening in Yelm, Washington. I am learning so much about spiritual teachings. The ideal of living in the “now” is appealing to me on so many levels. I believe I will be thoroughly entrenched in bliss once the job search ends. It is such a nagging tap on my shoulder.

I was supposed to start the temp job at the Puyallup Fair this week. At training we were told we would work 12 hours a day for 22 days straight. Add an hour drive both ways for me and it would have been 14 hours a day. I really wanted to do it and was looking forward to the chance to mingle with all sorts of people! And yes I need the money. It just wasn’t going to work. Various reasons from the dogs to not being enough money made it impossible. I wish it could have worked out but it wasn’t meant to be for some reason.

One of those reasons may be the opportunity to meet with a GM at a radio group in Bellingham, WA this past Friday. Once again, my guardian angel of Yelm Mary made a few calls and found the contact for me to email. I have been thinking a lot about Bellingham as an option because of it being between Seattle and Vancouver. I also suspect the rent may be fairly less then Seattle. Mary encouraged me to take the 3 hour drive up and explore. The GM responded quickly to my inquiry, kindly agreeing to meet with me the following day. We had a very nice 45 minute talk about the Phoenix radio market in which he was quite familiar with. He was impressed with the stations I had worked at. It ended with him telling me to do a simple demo for him and he would “see what he could do.” That was more than I was even expecting so I felt empowered again. Empowered that I could do radio again, that I wasn’t too far removed from it to be considered. It was a reminder to myself that I did do major market radio and it could still be recognized as such. It was also an interesting juxtaposition of occupational interview styles. The discussion was much more down to earth. It reminded me that I was never fully part of the educational world. Job or no job, the meeting was important to my self-worth and confidence.

I don’t know what happens when I run out of money. It is the major worry I keep trying to fight. I know I need to keep looking for temporary work. My therapist suggested I advertise dog-sitting. I like that idea! Selling items is also an option. If I move my items into a storage space, I could sell the trailer. And yes, if worst came to worst, I start selling my CDs. It is so hard to explain but I am so calm and happy inside even though I am in the direst circumstances of my life. Oh if we didn’t need money in our lives…

Random music notes:

In the very same day I listened to the new Two Hours Traffic, Amy Millan and Matthew Good. WOW! I still just get so excited for release dates of my favorite artists! At this moment I would say that Matthew Good’s Vancouver will be my LP of the year. We shall see in December ;)

I got in the car to drive to Bellingham and Chris Murphy was co-hosting on CBC3. Naturally I was tickled! I have expressed a zillion times how much I miss his and Jay’s radio show. My favorite giggle of the show was Chris saying who else would host a show like Q than Jian Ghomeshi to which Craig Norris responded “You.” Chris said he tries to get Jian to let him fill in all the time to no avail. Love it! Another giggle was Chris looking at a picture of Sloan and saying “There I am with my old collarbone.”

Elephant Stone is a project from a former member of the High Dials. Big Ah-ha moment. Makes perfect sense now as opposed to them coming out of nowhere.

Andrew and I are plotting to go to Vancouver to see In-Flight Safety in Vancouver at the end of September. (I told Dan to send me money-LOL!) Two Hours Traffic are playing there the same week but I need to choose. I pick In-Flight because I know THT will be back but In-Flight seems to be touring less. Their record came out in Jan and they are just touring on it now… I am now Andrew’s flight partner. It means I fly as if a family member of an airline employee. Of course until I have a job, I won’t really be able to take advantage but I hope it means I can be at CV2 graduation…

(And I had no real good reason to use the adorable picture of Jim Zorn except that NFL starts tomorrow-Go 'Skins and 'Hawks!)

I Am The Cancer - Sloan

July 22, 2009


I had such a fantastic day I am inspired to return to blogging. Besides, a blog on the “crazy broad” trying to find a new life and job in Washington should be fun read, right? I will post on facebook and return to my blog also.

The day started with an actual hairstyle as I haven’t used a blow dryer or hairspray since my last day at Cronkite. The hair ended up looking 70’s era Kristy McNichols since I had to have most of the two-tone black hairs cut out prior to leaving Phoenix. It was funny looking and made me think about how much I loved the movie “Little Darlings” when I was a young teen. Tatum O’Neal is filming the new Runaways bio pic. See, my hair style may make a comeback when the world sees Kristen Stewart (As Joan Jett!) and Dakota Fanning (As Cherie Currie!) sporting feathered hair!!

The job fair was smaller than I expected. Most of the companies were young male based, like the Army, Navy, CIA and the Edmonton Police. The two Universities represented both informed me their academic adviser-style jobs were sales driven. I have always been aware I am not fit for sales, I would cry every time someone said no! I found humor in the jobs in Alaska that were available. I spent the most time discussing how to become Canadian with the kind fellas from Edmonton. It inspired me to work hard to look into communications jobs in civil service in Canada as they may speed up my goal to get permanent residency. Or convince someone in Canadian radio that I am a one-women Canadian record store…

I went to a small Lutheran school in Michigan. There were 8 students in my graduating class in 8th grade. All the boys at St. Matthews were hardcore football fans. Jimmy, a dolphins fan, Jonathan loved the Cowboys. Being the tomboy in the class, I already loved the NFL and claimed Fran Tarkington and the Vikings as my team. But in 1976, my crush on Tarkington dissipated as I spotted a scrappy lefty who was the quarterback for the new team from Seattle, Washington. That year, our teacher had us write a journal daily. I ended each day with my new daily affirmation: I love Jim Zorn! I collected the articles from the Detroit Free Press every Monday, and then wrote an entire year report on the Seattle Seahawk’s season. They were fun to watch, and as the hormones sparked each year, this girl could not get enough of the duo of Zorn and Steve Largent, his favorite wide receiver. I wrote an A graded short story for Mr. Bond’s creative writing class about said duo! In my second trip to Seattle in 1993, I toured the King Dome. It was only natural that I was overjoyed to travel to Qwest Field in my very first week living in Seattle. I had to find the tour!

I felt like I should have had Cronkite Village with me on the tour! I wasn’t there to see a suite, the field or the press box this time though… I wanted to see the Seahawks history; I wanted to see those players’ photos in that Ring of Honor. The tour guide walked so fast I constantly lagged behind as I tried to photograph all the historic items. I was honestly annoyed that the tour was not focused at all for an actual Seahawks fan. And then, the guide said Zorn was now the coach of the Giants. I cringed at myself; miss know-it-all had to spew “Redskins” to correct him. But come on, the guy is a hero in this town! Get it right! No matter, I was beaming happy as I left the stadium.

My fine host, Mary warned me of the traffic on I-5 after about 3pm. In my truck at 4pm, I tried to decide if I would fight it. As I flipped on my Sirius satellite radio, the guest-DJ take over show on Iceberg was just beginning. The Canadian musician hosting? The one and only Joel Plaskett. SCORE! I will gladly sit in traffic for the next hour! (not to mention, stare at Mt. Rainier while listening!) Oh Joel, he is such a music fan. No question he brought his own stash as he played absolutely nothing Iceberg has ever played. He spoke of his Halifax history, Thrush Hermit tales and his fond memories of seeing Chris Murphy and Jenny Pierce singing “I am the Cancer” live. The show was fantastic! I included the artists Plaskett played below.

Maybe only I find these kinds of connections but as “I am the Cancer” played I started to tear up. In 1993, my first radio job at KUKQ came to a close as the station changed format to all News. By chance, my vacation, a trip to Seattle/Vancouver was planned the week after this surprise event occurred. I considered cancelling my trip but my parents encouraged me to still take the vacation and relax. On that very trip was when I first heard “I am the Cancer” on the radio. It was the song of our trip, as it was in heavy rotation on the alt-radio stations in Seattle and BC. Now I am living in Seattle, staying with a former co-worker from KUKQ and I hear “I am the Cancer” ?! See what I mean? Or is it just me? 

Random notes from today:
Rural Alberta Advantage remind me of Immaculate Machine (No wonder you like them, Andrew!)
I like Lauren Burrows and Lana Gay on CBC3 but not Lisa Christensen
Heard band Green Go today, pretty fun stuff
New Cancon band called Davinport (sorry t, they spell it wrong but you wouldn’t like them)
I am so bad; I bought a Seahawks heart necklace-LOL!
Delicious Blue Cheese hamburger for dinner.
Sleeping puppies all around me!

Tomorrow-Pike Place Market!
Friday – Star Gazing at Mt. Rainier


I love it here  Leah

Plaskett played:
Martha Wainwright
The Constantines
The Nils
Al Tuck
Dave Marsh
The Band
Old Man Luedecke
Joni Mitchell
Sloan
Two Hours Traffic
One track from each of his 3 new records