Do you ever worry about your own sanity? I don't think I am completely losing it but I have a case of the characters in my head coming to life, they have taken on a life of their own. I was starting to think I was going down right nutty until I went to two different writing seminars this past week that explained that is the way of a writer. Now I am not getting all bold and saying I am any type of professional, it's just a call to write. When it hits you, it is all consuming and as addicting as a drug, you can't stop. The one seminar, the lady said her kids got to an understanding, they needed to find their own dinner if she was on a roll, she needed to keep at it. It has been that way with sleep for me, I have always needed a lot of sleep but now, I am staying up, I can't stop. But even when that is true, I also wake up early, trying to get what I need to done quickly so I can get back to it. I think I fear I am going to lose the urge or the momentum, writer's block would set in. The two seminars were fantastic, it made me remember why I loved my creative writing classes in college, why I spent my teens writing. I feel like I have experienced a lot of different things than most in my life be it being around radio, or racing. These are not the average lives of people. If I can use my experiences to make entertaining stories, well then I feel like I can not just experience it myself but share it with others.
Seeing Sloan last summer, meeting Patrick Pentland was a life altering moment I can not fully try to explain. I can say I had one similar moment back when Nina got married and I decided I wanted nothing more to do with band and bar life. It was on the trip to stand up in her wedding that I decided to save up to buy a race car, that I decided I could bracket race. Now why meeting some band guy in a band I barily paid much attention too may seem like some middle aged woman's crush but I swear that is not what happened, what it did was trigger all the memories I had of 10 years of the Tempe music scene. I got my hair done by Molly the other day, an old Tempe scenster, she said something profound to me. She said she thought Dave Navarro (of all people) seemed familiar to her, like she knew him. She said she realized it was because he reminded her of all the band guys she knew. Nail on the head for me with this guy from Sloan. His mannerisms and charming way about him was a combination of about three well know Tempe band members I was very close to. I can't explain why or when your muse presents it self but if Sloan was my trigger for starting to write a stroy about a radio Dj who gets to know bands..why fight it. Is it interesting enough? Who cares, I just need to get it out. I suspect I will either be in withdrawl when I finish, or determined to do something more with it. When buying the camaro altered my life, it wasn't always a good thing, lord knows how obsessed I have been with going racing in the past. Maybe the writing is to help counteract the racing. I could have used the writing last summer to keep me from going batty while Big Red was getting tubbed. So now, if Dan has to work and we can't go race, I don't mindspending the time writing instead. Am I sad I am missing a race-of course but now I have two outlets for my self instead of just the race car. I hope when I finish "bay window" I will be able to work on what happenes next, find out if I have any chops at this and then start the story of Jim and Andi. The story I have always had in my head to write. The second seminar I went to was a woman who critiqued a scene for me. I went to her because I was struggling with how to deal with the voice of the story. She told me to follow what Elise tells me, it's Elise's story, let her tell it. I was so struck by the fact that a character had taken on life of her own. The lady was right, Elise is guiding the story, I personally don't knwo where she is leading me each night when I write. I know that sounds nutty but you have to experience it to believe it. I have an outline in my head of the story I want to tell but Elise is leading me, the lady told me she will discover people I wasn't expecting to add, this has happened to... I probably wasn't ready for critique because she kept telling me to not worry about little things or editing for now, she said just keep getting it out, the editing comes later. She said I had some real strong visuals but I needed to show more than tell. I guess I sensed that I must not be too bad or she would have had to try harder to be polite in the critique. I wasn't looking for her to tell me I was some amazing new talent, I was just trying to get a sense if I was doing it right, if I was on the right track. I knew Missy was a prety good indicator as she reads more than I ever have, but a professional reader was a nice extra nudge for me to continue. Now I figured if I went to see Sloan again, it would help me, give another inspirational shove but I did have a weird thought that it could also ruin the first impressions that inspired me in the first place. I think I'll chance it, and I get to see them again for their music in the process-hahaha~! Now how can I convince Dan I need a trip to Nova Scotia next... I couldn't write a story about the real people I know, that is impossible. If you use traits from a few different sources it makes for a richer character. Is the main character me, no, no way but she has some things happen to her that may have happened, I find that each female character has tiny traits of myself, that each male character is a tiny bit of every guy I loved or hated for that matter. It is a blast I am planning on riding out. Missy has been so fantastic to talk to me about it, encourage me and keep begging for what happens next. Dan has been more understanding that I thought he would be, he knows I need to do it and doesn't try to bug me or think I'm stupid for it. He does think I need to sleep more but that is ok.
The past two weeks are back to the hectic pace I hate. Nothing is worse than when work feels like it's too overwhelming to ever finish. The feeling goes away when you cross stuff off your list but I hate things hanging and not finished. I also was so cozy just hanging out in my office all summer, having all day to accomplish things. Now with School back in session, I scarely have a moment to finish an email, I hate splitting my time between office, I would rather stay put in one or the other for the day. Maybe next semester I will try that but for now, Blaze in the afternoons, Stauffer in the mornings. I will say the Blaze is so smoth right now I could cry a tear of joy. I can only hope for this to last. My freshman babies are so ambitious, I hope I can keep up with them. They asked me today if we could plan a trip to Disneyland, they are so bound to each other already. I would have loved to living in a learning community like this when I started at Eastern! I hope I can make it special for them, I am so happy how this has come together for not having ever even heard of Living learning communities a year ago. I think the one thing I do that will suffer is my other class , my station ops is taking a back seat right now in my work but it seems like I have a good class. Today they wanted to talk more radio than TV- hey I can do that. I guess I wasn't in the mood to teach today but I have radio students so I will get more inspired next Monday.
Ugh, Dan is singing the Refreshments. We are both so into Rockstar, it has been fun to have something to watch together because there isn't really anything else we both like to watch together. I hadn't been in the TV room in a few weeks anyway. The longest I can sit though anything is a race and even an NHRA event is something I will sit and edit "bay window" while watching. I get so annimated watching and yelling at my favorite racers, I think I am yelling to make sure mom hears me. I never realized what a ritual it was to watch NHRA with her until I now watch alone. I have yet to find someone I can talk NHRA with like her. A racer gal I know and her mom are the same way. I talked to them at the nationals in Feb and realized I was jealous that they had that same relationship I miss so much. Sometimes I think enough time has past with mom being gone to push this writing out of me too. I believe in those guiding hands, just as much as I thought Butch was there for my racing after he past away. Life is so weird, it is also impossible to explain without sounding like one is a little crazy.
I leave for Mich this Friday, I can't believe it has come up so soon. I am planning to spend a couple times at the cemetary, I think I will be in a better place after I do. I hope this festival isn't too crazy, Nina's mom sent me an article that said it's like a million people. I remember how packed bumpershoot was, I am not really a festival goer, and I know I am not seeing Sloan at Big Fish again. I hope I can get in a comfortable spot, not get shoved around and enjoy it without being too annoyed by the large amount of people. God that sounds so old, although I have always been a concert snob, I gave up front row pushing back in the INXS days. I do remember when we were at Bumpershoot, all these people shoved forward when the Posies came on and I told Karen I was not going to get trampled for the Posies, considering I could see them in a club two days later in intimate setting. Which by the way, I will again 4 days after I get back from the trip to see Sloan...how amazing...2 DGC bands from the 90's in one week- Maybe the Candy Skins and Teenage Fanclub will be touring through the following week- I'll take what I am getting for now-man I am going to be a wreck!
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